published in 'AufDerSuche von Juptr' on


The search of a lifetime or: The story that defines me

Do not mistake this with Alice in Wonderland. There is no White Rabbit, no Caterpillar, no Mad Hatter. This is a very realistic Odyssey in search for a place that I really would like to find. Why? Glad you asked. Because all my stuff is there. And so is yours.


Is this the place where they stock all the stuff that I have lost throughout the years? 

Alright. So that is quite the pretentious fucking headline for what is about to come. But if previous experience in publishing articles has taught me anything, it is the importance to meet a certain emotion-inspiring standard headline bullshit, even if it has nothing to do with the actual content. But hold on, calm down, this is still an article about searching and some would definitely say it is also the story that defines me.

I am not in the best mood, as you might have noticed - believe it or not, I rarely ever use the "f" word and if you would see me say it in person, you would probably laugh in my face. So let´s get into why I am so pissed off with myself, which also has to do with the topic of "what I am looking for". What I am looking for actually, right now, is three things:

  1. My wallet
  2. My cell phone
  3. My self-esteem

Oh wait, it is actually four things, my student card that also functions as bus ticket and which I literally just had to re-buy has JUST disappeared from my life again AND SO HAS MY PATIENCE WITH MYSELF.

Sorry. So I am loosing things. It´s what I do. It is almost a profession these days. And I cannot explain why that is, because I wouldn´t necessarily describe myself as much worse than my friends when it comes to drunken carelessness or even sober lightheadedness. And if that is not it (at least, not entirely), there has to be another reason why this is happening to me all the time.

I am slowly getting to my point. Promise. Because maybe, instead of writing a vapid article about my poor little self in search for a wallet (which I am desperately looking for, it is a brown-ish Roxy wallet that has probably seen a lot of crazy shit by now so please return the thing already), I could pursue the search of this strange pattern of chaos around me and possibly, this would lead me to the place where all my lost stuff is. Because that place exists. Right?

So let´s just lean back for a second, close our eyes and imagine what that place would look like. Is it busy there? Noisy? Smelly? Colourful? I mean, it must be a mix of all different kinds of things and people. Single socks, money, ID cards, cell phones, books, towels, weight (ha, ha), toys, but also demented grandfathers, adventurous kids... I don´t know, all kinds of people. Who have simply disappeared one day and never been found. Are those lost ones looking for us, too? Did they get dragged into this place by some kind of reversed gravity or black hole, did someone talk them into going or did they maybe leave us on purpose? 

I think the population of this place lives by different rules. It is a parallel universe kind of thing. None of those lost people is freaked out about finding his or her relatives. They sure think about them now and then, in a loving way certainly, but they take care of each other now, and they have become their own kind of family. The kids are wearing all the single socks and they are playing with the money and the wallets and the phones without even really knowing what it is for.
It is a beautiful, strange place. There are huge trees that are growing upside down, in all kinds of different shiny colours. There is a lot of change in environment everyday, sandstorms, heavy rains, heat, cold, and people just go with it. The whole place is in a state of peaceful chaos, the state all universe is slowly coming towards. Maybe it could be described as pre-chaos state, a little taste of what everything on earth will be like in a few million years.

Why can I see this place so clearly, you wonder. Well as I said, there is an aura of chaos around me since I can remember, and it is getting stronger every day, like a little breeze that slowly begins to whisper and turn into a wind, and finally, a big powerful storm (I stole this from the Alchemist and I don´t care. I just like the metaphor).

Eventually, my chaos will lead me to the black hole, to track 9 4/3, to any platform where I can transcend into the chaos world and live there happily ever after (with all my stuff that I have been sending over there throughout the years) and those beautiful people that have gone missing all around the world. I will try to send you a message if I make it. If you shall be chosen by the big and gracious chaos, you will find an additional sock in your washing machine.

From that day on, unravel and embrace your inner chaos and stop giving any fucks about the things you are constantly losing. They are just things.  


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